Random acts of planned chaos

Piece Of Sky

2009-02-02T18:39:00.001-08:00

I woke from your bed knowing where I was
that silent morning still resembling night
hating the day's start for ending what we continued
and could have...
at that moment everything felt so right.

I forgot my own name as I thought of yours
and traced your body with my eyes under the moons revealing light
praying to a god I don't believe in to allow me some more
time and touch and taste from your body so tight.

All trouble was forgotten and my mind at ease
forgetting my life,my pain,and even my home
feeling so easy while at peace
and un-alone.

I can recall the sound of your breath
the wet formed on your back's soft skin
and the rise in your chest while I think you at peace sleeping..
safe from all the pain you've been in.

How I felt so dizzy as I fell to the sky
in that one moment that was perfection and heaven on earth
Reflections of that day come up all on their own
bringing joyful tears to my eyes
So I take that with me to sleep
where I sometimes am lucky enough to dream
and though my body every night does lay
my heart never lies.

Rest

2009-01-27T16:44:00.000-08:00

Our days are numbered
when hearts run tired or empty
forever encumbered
and so I seek my own eternal slumber.

Through action and habit
of emptiness and schedule
I'm chasing my special white rabbit
without fear of the hole or whole.

And in the end there is peace
at it's beginning.
Or infinite torment
by the hands of tormenting's lease.

It can be easier to say goodbye
to ones you loved
than a stranger in your life
that you never had the chance to.

Tumor

2008-12-28T19:08:00.001-08:00

Head bowed down,always,the quivered lip
with stains falling down
darkening
on each side of my hips.

Crushing blows repeated
but thankfully for awhile
ecstasy in those moments without
a welcomed refuge in your docile.

"It's what you can bear"
to stand to take.
while in your presence
how my flesh does quake
but yearns
and needs.

Forgiving your deeds
as flaws in design
my want to strong to fight
as all the pains become benign.

Tangled Web

2008-12-21T17:53:00.001-08:00

All dialogue has been removed for purpose of protection and anonymity.

Previously...

The spider is such a fascinating and frightening creature.With long legs and a quick temper,the stuff that nightmares are made of.Such hostility and poison in one so capable of the most intricate and beautiful of weaved webs that has inspired artist and scientist alike.

A spider will spend most of its days alone,in the confines of it's own hole and thoughts.Venturing out onto the unsure earth only for food it has captured by design,along with the odd mate now and then.That primal need to procreate present,and to feed....are the rules lived by the wild creatures of this planet.

Food is always as abundant as the unlucky insect to make contact with the web.Once caught,it's fate is instantly sealed.Courtship can be just as deadly,though not so quickly decided upon.There is always the dance of death.Those moves you make when you know he's or she's watching.Such violence in it's sexuality,the persistant displays of showmanship and teasing,if not appreciated or reciprocated,can lead to to one deadly bite that turns would be lovers into mortally wounded enemies.

How like spiders do human interact?With the unspoken thought or held back tongue,the rush and fear of consequence,while enjoying the ferocity of coupling.Though neither courters end up dead,there is a mortal wound inflicted to the heart,in those silent screams of things left unsaid,or wants left to hope.

*************
II

A spider web is extruded from the body,with only one purpose.To trap prey,keeping them on hold until seen fit to take part in their nurishment,taking of their body and insides at whim and want.Filling up and out,then discarding the remains of a life's story never told.

How ironic that one such as myself,so scared of spiders,now finds himself trapped in a web of emotion and sticky string.All the while struggliing to break free,but to no avail.That web cast too strong to resist,and so dangerous to make me yearn for a prisoners release.

And so it spins the most intricate of designs,made of the softest of silks.Patterns and corners given attention to,with one purpose in mind.Survival.To feed and be full,if only to allow a brief respite from the daily needs of body and hunger.

Those soft and gentle fingers,as if made by silk,that caress every inch of my body in the sweet tenderness and need in your touch.I do not respond with screams as I should,for the obvious danger,but with a lover's sigh.That moment of being in the moment only,an erection of nipple as you trace my chest with such learned hands.

The struggle is useless.The web too strongly made just for that one purpose.With every ounce of strength that is fought,more is then lost and then in turn given to the captor.The spider with ease,travels the web to claim it's prize.A predators glare reflected in the eyes of the prey,that fights with all it's being,yet lacking the strength of body to fight back.

And thus is the invited web I seem to have caught myself upon.And though my heart is still strong and wants to break free,it is the want of body that cannot resist it.The inevitable consumation nor consummation,by a spider I'd be gladly consumed by,each and every time I am hollowed.

The Hug

2008-10-27T19:57:00.001-07:00

I saw you today,and it had been awhile,longer than I can remember.Nothing had changed,noticeably.That crooked smile,the head trimmed perfectly into a perpetual 5 o'clock shadow,that odd way you speak with a barely noticeable under use of the tongue,the way you innocently stand too close for comfort when in conversation.

And that smile...so full of life and lacking of intention or agenda.Natural.The way you talk as if there is no-one else in the room but who you are talking to.How painfully tired and impossibly lovely you looked today.

We've known each other long,but never as well as we should.Our history that was always a given.How we always try and make up for lost time and absence through our fast and devoted discussions where we block everyone around us out...despite their constant insistence at being let in.

Today we held twice and I was thankful for both.The last one I felt held for too long,and not nearly long enough.I long to do so again,and know it will be so long that I will have forgotten the last.And rightfully so.
In that moment you held me,and held me.And every dream I ever had came to life,while ending simultaneously.

A Sorta Fairytale

2008-10-10T18:19:00.000-07:00

To play it safe while tempting unknown dangers
always,at the end of the day
finding that comfort only amongst the arms of strangers.

An aching heart with more rooms than a mansion
furnishing with experience before it's out of date
every many single moment with a sense of passion.
A hidden agenda before my time grows too late.

I find,though briefly,a home in your caress.
My distress suddenly forgotten,if only for that moment
or if lucky,for a few.

Making pretend for real,that each moment will last
and in the tangled clinging I feel,this time might be my always.
My evermore
My future history's past.

Try

2008-10-07T16:58:00.001-07:00

Never one to give up,I would never let you,or you or me
The few choices left to us,all lead to moving forward
A constant of progression and evolution

Until devolution,and nearing ever more closer to nigh
Life only allows for a finite number of chances,
those sideways glances filled with promises,still unspoken.

Ever broken and on the mend
we tend and intend and push forward with will.
It's reality's bitter pill that always reminds us
in the end of what is ours,and what is not.

Maybe,I was wrong

The Eagle

2008-10-02T18:05:00.000-07:00

When I sleep there is silence,and through sleeps survival I am reborn.Yet,it is in daydreams I am thus created.I chase those dreams in my small yet forceful ways.Always,with both feet firmly on solid ground.

"Good morning my shackled vagabond,how well slept in you look" he says before leaning over to kiss my sleep filled eyes.
I push him away forcefully feigning the morning grumps..."I slept ok,don't do that when my eyes are full of shit"

I rarely dream while I sleep,those horrors of the subconscious rival that of the real world.A world I exist in only to escape often,to the one I've created for myself.

"Oh please,I'm so used to that damn crust.Besides,I was only hoping you had good dreams,of me preferably" ~annoying smile~
"Don't be an ass,I've known you what,all of 2 weeks?Hardly enough time for you to earn a place in my nocturnal,umm,emissions?" I laugh as I lay my arm over my head.
~That fake angry stare~"ok then,asshole!What did you dream about?"

I dreamed I was an eagle,broad of wing and equal in measure was my heart.I soared over you,and over this damned and cursed world.I flew with a passion that was free and unbidden,one that paled last nights frantic tangle on solid ground.

How wonderful it must be to fly.To have such freedom as being born with wings.To glide and give chase,to land where you choose..if at all.Following the currents with ease,while looking down at those you could swiftly devour.

"Hey!Come back to me here...you zoned,what's up?"~and now concern~
"Sorry" I said quickly."I'm here.What was that again?"
"Woah i got a sorry,you DO know how to say it"
"Fuck you!"...I do
"Well then,for the time being,could we just lay down together,and for awhile,act like we mean something more to each other?"

Love is also a dream sometimes,because that's the only place it exists for many of us,in our hearts and minds.In the space between the empty moments filled with time,moments spent...flying from one sky to the next.

I have wings,and they beat in time with my dreams.

Always Tomorrow

2008-09-10T18:32:00.001-07:00

Someone had sent me a message,reminding me that tomorrow was actually the anniversary of 9/11.As I don't place much importance,other than the expected minimum,on holidays or days of importance,the message came at a time when I was already experiencing some reverie.
I was thinking about the enormous capacity that people have to bounce back,or to continually fight through whatever comes their way.To get back up as each hit knocks us down or makes us stagger.To keep giving when we are told to give up.

Personally,there are many days that I wonder whether or not I will ever make it to the next.Will I have the strength to go on,when I'm almost too tired to even draw breath?But I always get up,step out,and get on with life...no matter what is to be faced,I face it.And am lucky enough to still be alive to do so.

There are many people who no longer have the chances we do.To do the things they always wanted to,or to say what they would have heard to the ones they loved,or could have.To chase their dreams,even in futility,come what may.

A life made up of "what ifs" and "what could have beens",only dishonors us,and those without the chance to make the choices we have taken so lightly.

No matter what happens in life,it's always good to be able to say "I AM HERE"

Fragility

2008-09-02T18:23:00.000-07:00

To be human is to be failing

fractured

and broken.

Perfection is a myth that should never be desired

nor sought after.

All my beauty lies beneath the skin

in my faults and weaknesses.

In that part of me that wants to believe in

that wants to be better.

What is better?

That's too individual a choice.

Incomplete,I find more fulfilling.

I die everyday.

Butterfly

2008-09-02T18:16:00.000-07:00

Why a bottled butterfly flutters

when it should lay down and die?

~Sentenced to a prison~

It knows it's fate

and goes in haste.

Better to burn out,than fade away as waste.

Forever Knight

2008-09-02T17:51:00.001-07:00

Fell now my blade and tongue

sharp and blunt with the stains of the fallen

upon it's hungry tip.

Vengeance and cruelty of fable old

and faerie forgotten

will be judisciously weilded

and rightfully so.

A dark knight under moon

protected by tides of shadow and it's feral glow.

Her champion given passage

his lust a compass.

Beware the warrior who has lost much

for there is not much left to be held sacred

for one so blasphemous and wronged.

Tread lightly but be quick

it's the hunt I cherish

more than the kill.

A well for a stomache

that flesh and blood can never fill.

Dawn is my enemy

and they hide safely in light.

It burns me to degrees

a safety I've never known

my accursed blight.

Fist For Heaven

2008-09-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

Yes I dare!

What's mine is mine,and Heaven will wait

for my will to be done.

Your kingdoms halls are full enough

earth's angel remains by my side.

Challenge me.

No Hell nor scorned

hath a fury compared to my persistance.

A light so strong and fires so blue

to pale your gates

and shadow your ladder.

Bring your armies

your champions and children

all will be slain by the sword of one so set.

A new kingdom arises

with stony walls but a warm hearth.

My castle made of cave

heart and soul.

Monday

2008-09-02T17:02:00.000-07:00

Today I rose to the sounds of my own lobotomy

with the sun sneaking into my cell

and a stranger shouting profanities outside my hole.

The day does not welcome me kindly.

It teases me like a whore with the promise of infection

but I must play my part in it.

There is much to be said,though from lips so dead

this failed tongue as of late.

The joys and pains,insignificant and mundane.

Be at ease children of the night that play

It is forever night that I pray for this day.

What's going on.

2008-09-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

I have just opened this account,and there is much work to do.I have a sizeable amount of past poetry to enter,along with trying to write some new entries.This will take some time,so your patience is appreciated if there are days I drown you with too much content.This shall be a site dedicated mostly to poetry...hope you enjoy it.
Thanks.

Curiosity

2008-08-30T16:59:00.000-07:00

Sweet life giving light.
Your once abundant rays,
now make trophies out of ashen children
caught in your gaze.
And to it goes
the scattered winds,of never know
the mysteries of the obvious.
And hearts aflame all at once
were put to douse in her seas
of rock and mirror,
her liquid diamonds from colds first compress.
And pile rose from the ground
one by one by way of want.
Their chance to breathe
those same active currents
and look to your rays with hopes inflamed.
Another day to burn again,
and be hash for her frigid fathoms.
Another day to unlearn again,
and start again...one by one.

Valentine

2008-08-30T16:54:00.001-07:00

A day of love and emotions high
a day of warmth or tears in eye.
With love to give our hearts be open,
in wanting love our souls be broken.
Nights of passion for lovers that twist fate,
and twisted nights for those without lovers of late.
At dawn you awake,with lovers breath on arm,
arm over chest,and hand to groin.
Others wake,to the sound of an alarm,
a pain in their breast,and ache of loins.
Love an emotion,that defies all norms,
Yet an emotion,that can come in many forms.

Mermaid's Lament

2008-08-30T16:48:00.001-07:00

Swimming in waters of wants and whys,
"how comes"
chasing waves,
that promise to crash down ten feet high.
Smacking hard on back already bent,
pushing ..
fighting..
to the bottom I went.
Sand in mouth I'm surrounded by water,
but always keeping thirsty and dry.
No salve from such salt,
my wounds grow wide.
When your weeping underwater,
no one can see you cry.
Coral cutting hands that hold on for the ride,
a prayer from my lips,
please pull back your tides.
A moments peace as the waves recede,
but a foolish mistake I must concede.
My skin grows brittle,
a lightening sallow.
Will someone now see my tears,
as I drown in the shallows.

Reach

2008-08-30T16:41:00.001-07:00

I have no arms to speak of
as they are now cut off.
The hands as heart's doer,
without joint are now lost.
What mold now shall I grease and shape,
what form life now,
will my life take?

Mortality

2008-08-30T16:28:00.000-07:00

A candle in the wind burning bright at both ends.
Selfish and fierce,assuming and consuming.
Living,tearing up and apart.
Following the passions of your heart.
Being human,and sometimes thankful.
Ready,set,go!
How lucky you are to be alive,with the possibility of death everyday.

Daydream

2008-08-30T16:09:00.000-07:00

Last night there was a storm.
With flashes of lightning,a windy hard rain ,and a joyously booming thunder.
Crash!
With whispers,whispers on the wind.
"Have your dream"
I lay and slept,while my mind crept.
The corners.
A dining table of glass,covered in linen.
~Who covers glass?~
A conversation about plans and possible futures.
Searching.
"What do you want?"
~The same as you~
Hopes?
"A life...together maybe."
I light a cigarette and receive a scowl.
"Not at the table damnit"
I howl
"I'll hang out the window,if you promise not to push me"
"No promises"
"If you loved me you'd quit"
"If you loved me you would accept it"
~He does~
"Do you love me?"
"Most of the time"
~Silence~
A conversation continued if only in our minds.
Summing and subtracting.
"I have nothing better to do"
"So we commit?"
I have a dream.Then I had a dream.
Then I woke up to the sound of an alarm and alarm.
I'm running behind.How many times did I hit that snooze?
It's still raining and I've never woken.
I have a dream.

Fast Ride

2008-08-30T15:55:00.000-07:00

If only to ride and never stop
all speed and motion.
Leaving behind.
The road a friend to a traveler on the mend.
Comfort in burning,
legs and lungs.
Passing by passerbys,
1 by 1.
No thoughts or worries,
only movement and hurries.
No destination needed,
nor red lights heeded.
Freedom!

The Wraiths Of Rem

2008-08-29T18:26:00.001-07:00

Shades of evening when all light is lessened,
Bring upon a sleep so heavy with eyes wide open.
Jerking...a spasm of warning and forthcoming
~paralysis~
Deeper than obsidian they come.
Light is choked as are my screams.
These are the beasts come forth from dreams.
"Help me"
They are not sentinel of soul,but dark matter of mind.
A consciousness created from the fears in our hearts.
Manifestation shared by like of kind.
From corners they rise and jump and play
Climbing your bed,heavily on your chest they lay.
"I can't move"
Their breath so cold it reaches the bone,
freezing you still.
Telling of a place without any hope nor home.
~Just give in~
The Wraiths of Rem are a product of mankind,
Of fears and dark places in ourselves they remind.

The Rose

2008-08-28T19:01:00.001-07:00

We are only in the here and now.People only last as long as the moments you spend with them.Live and learn from life,love then learn how to,lose and learn how to love again.

"Don't go,I don't want you to" an expectant breath hangs on my lip.

~Stupid.What a stupid thing to say~

There is no message nor meaning to life,other than what is experienced between the lines of your fiction and my fantasy.Some stories can have only one writer...and are never meant for reading.

"I can see what you're thinking" as a wicked smile shapes the saints face into a devilish grin.
"It's the kindest thing anyone has said to me yet,how stupid it would be to decline"

***There is a story of a tree,from before the time of insanity and consequence.A tree with limbs more numerous than leaves,and one fruit for each limb that has grown into the blackest of red,weighing as heavily on said tree as a human heart.

"I will never be able to speak of promises,I have long since forgotten how to offer them.I'm not trying to be hurtful,it is just my truth" that look of worry surfaces on his face.

~Thinking,planning,shedding~

"I don't want for promises anymore,my love may bind but it is without chains"...

~In the distance a newborn cries for it's mother's breast~

***For every heart that is broken,a fruit shall fall upon the earth.Despite the soil's temperment,that fruit shall bring to life a struggling bud.A flower is born with petals made of the brightest red resembling velvet crushed by the gentlest of angel's hands,and thorns that can draw blood faster than any butcher's knife.

Thus the rose was fashioned from a tree born of human emotion with the deepest of hopes and pains.A faunal representitive of sapien dreams.